glitter baby.

exams stressssssss

2010-03-14T22:47:00.002+08:00

why am i blogging suddenly the day before my major health assessment?

stress sends you to wierd places.

last week has been hell week part one. i had exam on thurday and a MAJOR MAJOR research proposal that sapped out all the time i had! monday and tuesday in school till late. fight scream quarrel throw stuff- thank goodness the presentation part is over. now its just the 3000 word proposal left. sigh. and finished another presentation on thurday MORNING BEFORE the exam at 10am.

this week is hell week part two. health assessment tml and 8465 on wednesday, proposal submition on the same day as well. HOW?? its just killing me! night and day, there is no difference. i was so bogged down that when i went for pet's lenten retreat last friday... i went into the room and started crying within five minutes. maybe at that moment i felt so far away from God. maybe i just realise that he has been helping me and yet i didn't appreciate it. it felt like after a very long time, i came home. to HIM.

perhaps i forgot essentially why i did my advanced diploma. i wanted to help with additional knowledge. the best week was the last week of attachment for me. dealing with patients with terminal illness and feeling that connection once again to the reasons as to why i wanted to become a nurse, its a daily struggle when i face books instead of humans.

and with these two weeks fully packed i felt so guilty, especially to faith coz i haven't been spending enough time with her, missing out on a lot. when the Ho's came over to my house last wednesday while i was studying i nearly wanted to cry. sigh. all these work is turning me into an emotional freak.

gotta get back to work now

"it takes two people to make a lie. one to tell it and one who believes it."

first day formal attachment

2010-02-08T20:54:00.002+08:00

its been forever since i've been called student..

wierd as it seems i relish the freedom of no responsibility for the patients and just being able to learn and ask questions made me really appreciate the status that i have now. it's not going to last very long but i cherish every moment.

it's the first time that im under another lecturer and for once i felt that i've learnt so much from her in the one hour that we spent together than in all the field visits that i've been to. short, sharp and focused she doesnt bullshit around talking nonsense and not only did i learn much from her, she reignited my passion for nursing in a way that not many people were able to.

anyways the enviornment here is really really nice. if i wasn't bonded i might have wanted to work there. not only is there an absence of politics, everyone was nice and not a single person actually said that i looked like someone owed me money or am having a black black face because thats what i usually get whereever i go for attachment... and everyone was willing to teach. have a feeling that it's gonna be a good two weeks. keeping my fingers crossed.

yoga has left me refreshed but super tired. gonna sleep now...

too hard too fast

2010-01-15T22:00:00.003+08:00

went down to NUH Angiography for attachment today.

the wonders of the human heart. one beat and all the vessels of your heart are oxygenated. and it takes a precise eye to see where the blockages are so that stenting can be done. no wonder heart doctors are paid so much. with the sort of health problems we have caused by a sedentary lifestyle, the money must be rolling in like nobody's business.

went back home to sleep before bikram. alas i woke up with a feverish body and cold hand. barely made it to the bus stop before i had to stop. SO SORRY YI MON! im trying to go for yoga on saturday and sunday.

sigh have i been pushing by body too much? i know im still young and can tolerate late nights and unhealthy diet but im wondering when will be too much before my body starts saying STOP! i dont wanna wait till i get organ failure before i start doing something about it.

was rewatching the new police story again on MIO tv. goodness daniel wu is so hot when he's bad. i like.:)

till for a work filled weekend!

week 13

2010-01-14T19:09:00.003+08:00

its week 13!! stress is piling up like a pile of crap!

one of the worst of the worst assignment - research critique is OVER! the worst is yet to come- research proposal in which no progress has been made whatsoever. actually i only count four more presentations but it seems like i have 5 zillion things to do.

anyways brother's results came out. not too good but he has applied to the engineering courses that he's interested in. keeping my fingers crossed that he'll get into somewhere that he likes and stop slacking around. he's been doing that for quite a while and im getting worried. he's not getting any younger. when he finishes his education he will be quite old. but im glad he's going somewhere!!

anyways my body clock is seriously screwed up. sleeping at 2-3am everyday just to finish assignments and waking up at 7-8 in the mornings to go for lessons. its really taxing. luckily i started doing bikram yoga with the encouragement of Yi Mon. the first class wasn't too good though. i was sweating like a pig when i started the first pose because the room was heated and at the end of the lesson my whole shirt was WET. i was breathless and dizzy for a while and even fell asleep in class (the heat makes you drowsy) and jerked away when i realised that i started snoring! major embarrassment of the year. the second class wasn't so bad. the good thing after each session is that i feel so LIGHT and energetic even though i was tired before. i am FORCING myself to go as often as i can coz i wanna be really really healthy. i really do not want to waste my cash in the future on medications and hospital stays. if this yoga would keep me fit thru my whole life i don't mind doing it...

went to Holy Family for mass last sunday. it's weird really. i always felt at home at QOP where everything and everyone is familiar. the amount of time that i take to get ready for mass is another thing altogether. i don't know.. somehow i feel that i have to live up and portray a certain image there and at times it may get tiring. however when i went to Holy Family, i went there with no contacts, no make up and just concentrated on spending one hour with HIM.. i feel so... free and able to concentrate on praying.

in every age. super nice song that they sung. brought tears to my eyes when the choir sung it.

i don't know. somehow it may be a good/bad thing when the church is small, you know everyone and everyone knows your parents. sometimes it feels that im constantly being watched and though i know that it's only my imagination, it feels that if i so much as yawned in mass my parents might find out.

a good catholic girl i am most of the time. what about the side of me that loved clubbing and staying out late? am i then not the good person that i am because im NOT suppose to be out late at night?

living up to expectations is hard. so therefore i live up to my OWN expectations.

time for new year resolutions!!

2010-01-04T00:04:00.002+08:00

ahhh. its been a busy christmas/ new year week...

21december - met up with the plastic angels to celebrate shuhui's 22nd bday as well as christmas gift xchange. had a simple dinner at NYDC then off to 2am dessert bar. the dessert and wine are to die for!

and finally i get to see angeline!! so happy that she has more or less fully recovered. really glad for her. and im sure a lot of people prayed for her, hence the speedy recovery... it was worrying when she took two hours to get to holland village though!

23 december- had a first dinner together as a whole class at sakura at orchard with all the crazy med-surg people. it was good fun.. as it was the last day of school before the one week break started. then we went off to St James and queued for an hour before getting in... super sian by then but the music got us all moving..:)

24 december- christmas eve. its my favourite day of the year. i don't know why. maybe it's the feeling of love in the air, or the feeling of peace that everyone i love is around me. spent the whole morning and afternoon packing the house ( for the party on christmas day) and off for dinner with the HO family. :) went to see faith unwrap her 347th tigger with a fox hoodie. and presents for the parents too. robin likes opening his present on christmas day.. so didn't get to see their reaction.. (it the thought that counts..haha)

we went to this fantastic place at cuppage plaza where they served great japanese food. baby faith charmed everyone there and as a result, we got to order great food ( the menu is in japanese with NO PICTURES whatsoever to help you..)

then it was off to QOP for mass! i love attending christmas mass at my church. and i also dont know how to explain it.. but it feels like i've come home everytime i walk into my church. faith was TERRORISED by this little girl who refused to stop playing with her at mass. (hence the sleepless night for the parents afterwards). but it was nice to see everyone. :)

25 december - this is the first year that my mother didn't say " next year we are not doing the christmas party! everytime we do it nobody wants to help" because this year, the liew family went all out to do everything. DJ FRAP people came over and we did our annual gift exchange. its nice to see everyone again, though only for a short while. helped with the packing.. and relaxed at home. what a busy day it was!

sorry monica!! was unable to go for ur party! saw the pics though. looked fun...:)

26 december- went for a quick lunch with the HO family at sakae and then out with lendl and fiona to watch avatar! everyone was raving about it, including pet who said it's a MUST WATCH. so we managed to get tix for the 2d version, which i think was pretty good already. interesting story plot but im not one to dwell on such.... realistic views of the world. it's sad, but true. maybe i get too emotionally affected by the events that occur, therefore i always felt ignorance is bliss. brought them to the nice jap place to eat again. :) they loved it too! ( lendl and his big behind getting bigger and bigger every month..)

27 december- stayed at home with my parents and my aunt to play mahjong. its been forever since i touched those tiles man! and i was really slow. (total losses: $43. ) but im preping up for CNY! once a year my gambling demon comes out!! lols

28/29/30 december- went back to sch for final clinical skills practice (who said i played all day and didn't work??) nerve wrecking stuff. had research meeting which lasted till before the fire drill and went down to united square to meet sheena and nigel and the HO family for dinner at another jap place. this time its a buffet. i ate my fill of all the pork bellies in the world and developed a belly of my own (kidding. it was already there before i started eating.) and passed sheena/nigel their present. :) thought it was very suitable for the both of them... hope you guys liked it!!

caught sherlock holmes with pet/robin as well. SUPER good, witty movie. goes to show how witty guys actually are the most attractive. this is one show where you have to drink your coffee before entering the cinema. miss one second and you'll miss a good joke. :)

31 december- went down to quincy hotel to celebrate new year's eve with the HOs/ sheena/nigel. it is a SUPERBLY nice place. went to their pool and took loads of great shots of faith with her cute watermelon swimsuit (a tad too big for her.) and tried out their sauna and steam bath (sauna good, steam bath- i'd rather go bathe.) and their TOILETRIES!!! molton brown!! i like! i think i washed my hair a good five times that day. :) then had dinner at their restaurant (modesto) and then up to the hotel room to play.... pictionary. the game escalated to silent pictionary when our darling faith had to go to sleep (if not her parents can't sleep.) and everyone went off before midnight. came back home to ten over people (all legionaries, very young, made me feel very old) and dozed off around 3 plus...

1/2 - i can't remember what happened but i lost 100 bucks at mahjong. luckily i had a cousin who is nice enough to send me back ( and laughed all the way about me losing 100 bucks)

today - went down to QOP for mass (super packed @ 1030 am) and to this nice japanese food court at city square (super cheap - just slightly above foodcourt price) and ate to our hearts content ( the liew's content, of course) and went down to PS with mummz and i GOT AN IPHONE!! man i've been lusting after this phone for sooo many months and finally its mine ( after burning a hole in my pocket of course). been playing with their applications all day long (till i forgot to continue my research critique...)

anyways down to the main topic- new year resolutions

1) lose weight (thanks for the running short/tights. im really going to do it this year!)
2) go to australia
3) love more
4) plan a great 25th anniversary mass/dinner for my parents

love more. i don't know. maybe its because i don't know what i really have till this year, when i had a sudden realization that i really am surrounded by many who truly care for me. for the last few years during christmas, it always feels a tad miserable, for im still SINGLE every chrstimas eve. this year however, i felt so loved by everyone! sure i may still be single but i had so many friends/relatives and even a god daughter who truly loves me. for me right now, its more than enough. and i thank God for the many wonderful people that he has sent to me.

you don't need 500 friends on facebook. you no need to go out everyday to prove that you have a lot of friends. what you need are a few good friends who truly care for you, who you know are truly there for you when you need a helping hand. but first, you must be the person who can weather the storm with your friends, and not run away at the first sign of trouble.

perhaps in the past, i always felt like an imcomplete person BECAUSE im not in a relationship. i guess its now that i understand that i am my own person, and i should be able to complete myself rather than wait for someone else to complete me. there are times when i felt miserable because i see people moving on to different stages of their lives (getting married, having kids) and i felt left behind. sure, i'd like to fall in love with a sensible person, but im contented with who and where i am now (minus a few pounds of course)

as for my parents, i really would like to plan a great wedding mass for them to remind them of all the reasons they married each other... :) have to start reallly soon, i had first hand experience how long it takes to plan just a simple wedding mass/lunch.... :)

happy 2010 everyone!

BIOLOGY rocks my socks!

2009-12-08T16:26:00.002+08:00

taking time off from biology.

i've never studied SO HARD in my entire life... (well maybe in final year of poly but...) it was to the point where i wanted to watch fringe and i forced myself to sit at the table and finish my respiratory system before i called it a day.

torturous i tell you. but oh so fun.

i might have to miss the mentalist tonight as well... :(

anyways making it up by going out to see baby faith and the HOs on thursday and then movie and dinner with lendl/jas on friday. more than enough for me...:)

another test on monday.. CVS/Endocrine/Respi/Immuno. sigh. here we go again. and only four days to study!!!

going back to SGH on friday for attachment! can't wait! i miss the smells... the people.. and most importantly.. the food...:)

alright going back to my GIT...

this is it

2009-11-30T16:06:00.003+08:00

pissed. im so pissed.

a whole lecture hall of people have notes but your speciality. don't you FEEL/ LOOK stupid??

frankly speaking im very disappointed with my lecturer.

late timetables, meaningless five minute presentations because of your laziness to prepare tutorials, not knowing where we are going for postings till the very last minute, going for lessons with half fuck slides which have no DEPTH.

if i wanted a recap of what year three in my diploma days feels like, i wouldn't have signed up for an advanced diploma.

in the initial stage, i thought it was because i had inadequate information/ experience as a nurse therefore i do not understand. but when every lesson bears a big question mark on my forehead, i realise its not me, its you.

instead of helping your students, you give us more work. instead of facilitating our learning, you are the one creating road blocks.

if i didn't study for lessons before hand and came with questions, i wouldnt know ANYTHING.

its pure disappointment that i write this post. people always tell me you will learn so much from an advanced diploma but frankly speaking all that i ever learnt in these past 6 weeks is the information i found for myself. i learn nothing much from your lessons. and frankly speaking, the whole class is quite tolerant of your inability to teach.

but not to give us lecture notes when YOU HAVE IT beforehand? thats bloody ridiculous.

are you helping you're students to fail? because if you are, you're doing a GREAT job at it.

fresh start

2009-11-29T22:31:00.002+08:00

its months since i blogged. somehow i feel that talking here unclogs my brains.

anyways much has happened since my last post.

im no longer working in 63 plastics.

im currently bonded to SGH for another two years (so its 2 and a half more years...)

im currently doing my medical surgical nursing advanced diploma (hello north canteen again.)

most importantly, i have a GODDAUGHTER! faith regina ho kai en. :)

really, i can't complain. i've learnt to be thankful these days, for the people who love me, for the things given to me. As for the things not granted, i guess i understand that someday i will know why.

went to see a colleague yesterday. it broke my heart, seeing her as a patient. i cried. and those who know me know im not someone who cries very often. im praying for you babe, everyday.
it is here that i really felt sometimes that unfortunate things happen to good people.

it was a rainy sunday morning when i pulled myself to church to pray. it was one of those rare days when i decided not to pray FOR myself but i prayed for others. for faith. for my uncle. for my friend. and i guess i had an awakening of sorts. that sometimes, you dont go to church just so God can give you the things you want. but rather pray for your loved ones so that they can have the things you do. that they may have good health. that they may do well.

i wished that it was worth more than 30 seconds on a rainy sunday morning.

went home to finish up my presentation ( FINALLY! im beginning to dream about microsoft powerpoint these days...) and had dinner with the Hos. Faith;s phlegm is still thick thick thick but im keeping my fingers crossed that her health improves. sigh sometimes i feel i may NEVER be ready for motherhood. all the sacrifices and late nights and putting your child first before your own needs. Seeing pet and robin with faith makes me feel more grateful that my parents dote on me so (number one daddy's girl!)

keeping half an eye on the merseyside darby. torres injured and morals are down. Liverpool, we need a miracle. i hope it comes in the form of Rafael Benitez.

it's over

2009-06-24T18:58:00.002+08:00

or is it?

it is with a heavy heart that i typed my resignation "message" to my president.

i've thought about it long and hard. it's painful even.

and as of now, I'm no longer a member of the Legion of Mary.

it's weird really. i have been using this as a sort of self identity for so many years that now i no longer carry this brand, i wonder then, who am i?

i've been spending the past few months trying to find myself before i let go of the identity i have as a Legionary. but really all i did was to avoid the things that really matter.

funny isn't it. that at 21, i don't really understand who i am.

that at this age, of supposed maturity and sensibility, i still live in la la land and believe that fairy tales exist.

what then, is my identity?

a nurse? a friend? a godmother? a church goer?a sister? a daughter? it seems that whatever role i take, i seem to fail miserably. a person who cannot seem to fulfill her responsibilites, it seems.

with a smile i go to work, to church, meet friends, go home. but all i feel inside is emptiness and the niggling feeling that everything that i'm doing is wrong. and i feel miserable seeing others move on with their lives while i'm still stuck here, not moving forward in the direction that i want to because i'm afraid. of what others may think of me. of reaching out for what i really want. what an ass kisser i am - catering to other people's opinions like it really matters.

im tired of the person i've become. and when i look in the mirror these days, i do not see myself as the person that i want to be at all. i do not recognise the person staring back at me. a stranger to myself, it seems.

i just need to get myself sorted out. and find out what i really want. give me time.

babi flu give us all pimples

2009-05-04T00:53:00.003+08:00

ahhhh... another case of FLU is hitting the streets.

the last time when SARS happened, i was still in secondary school having fun. quarantined? no problem! it means loads of free time away from school, no need to study.

and now? as a health care worker, everyone is preparing for what seems to be the inevitable - the second coming of the FLU.

its nerve-wrecking. its exciting. everyday we come to work, wondering what would happen.

Code Orange (which is now) - masks for everyone, only one visitor allowed each time for ONE patient. visitors to wear masks at all times and can only come during the visiting hours. temperature taking twice a day for the staff, anyone sick to go to the staff clinic. no travelling. and the most important and most painful thing - NO ANNUAL LEAVE. all staff to come back in preparedness. ( i am personally very affected by this.)

massive discharge for all plastic patients who are fit to go home. all elective operations cancelled (would you like swine flu with the double eyelids as well??) and the prepare rooms in case we need to transfer patients to our A class rooms (can be doubled up as isolation rooms)

everyday, we would remind ourselves what to do in the event that something happens. everyday, we go to work with anticipation.
everyday we wait.

in the event of confirmed cases we would be going to code RED.

which means i get to try

- to wear scrub suit with the full PPE (personal protective equipment)
-free food (staff not allowed to buy food outside, all foodcourts will be closed)
-being deployed to other wards in case they need staff
-bathing everyday before going back from work
-catching the swine flu.

"the anticipation of death is worse than death itself" so true.

anyways, was off to swissotel to try the buffet there (financial crisis? what crisis?) and man........ im quite impressed by the standard of food there. the best food there? gotta be the durian vomit. (its just a name i came up with.) rich, creamy and oh so gooooood.

and its true what lendl said - if you come here and you don't eat the durian thingie, you might as well go somewhere else to eat.

next stop - Shangri-la!!!! i heard its even better!!! so is the price!! (money problems? what problems?)

ahh, days off are to chillax.

finally after 21years, i own my first pair of levi's jeans (someone told me it could last for ten years. lets see. )

to spend or not to spend?

2009-01-22T19:13:00.001+08:00

once again, im rotting at home with nothing much to do.

life is either mundane or full of excitement - and the excitement only comes when im work.

somehow it seems like im just standing at a corner watching other people's more interesting lives and thinking to myself - how boring my life is.

time to inject something interesting into my life. this is the year, as Oprah says.

in the year of 2009 AD,

2009-01-01T04:00:00.000+08:00

in the blink of an eye (well, in both your eyes, unless you have cornea ulcer or something..), it's the start of another new year. the difference between last year and this year is many many

here's a few

1) at the end of last year, i went for a party, got really sick, went home early and slept to my heart's content. this year however, i am WORKING night shift after attending a rather short bbq at tanah merah crest.

2) at the end of last year, i was still a clubbing virgin. this year, i can proudly say i've gone clubbing. once.

3) at the end of last year, i was pretty certain that i would never spend more than 50 bucks everytime i do my hair. this year, i've spent a total of (&^#($^ amount on my hair (my mum might read this and make me sleep on the corridor)

however, certain similarities still remain

1) my weight - never goes down.
2) my bitchness - never goes down either.
3) my status - it writes complicated on friendster, in actual fact the only complication is that i'm still single
4) my spending habits - it scares me how much i spend every month.

ah well. i had a good experience working night shift this New Year's eve. not too many patients, ordered in Chilli crab/ salad you tiao and soup plus sharing some love with the patients. hmm life is good for now. bad for the waistline but holiday calories don't actually count la.

now that the show Little Nonya is ending, im just starting to get hooked on it. AHH someone tell me where i can watch everything from start to finish!! im impressed by the house decor, their clothes, the girl's buns, how that it is possible for so many women to be such assholes, how is it possible for guys to be such MCPs, why everyone seems to be in love with someone they cannot be with... and the amount of hair gel that these BabAs use. fantastic. i wish there was part two.

anyways i do hope that i can blog more in the future. till then, im waiting for one more night before my off day comes. hurry pleaseeeee.

fake it till you make it hon.

PRE CAMP

2008-11-10T09:46:00.000+08:00

after work on saturday......

went down to nativity for pre camp. goodness it seemed like yesterday i was preparing for the 07 camp. and here we are at the one for 08.

late nights, high emotions and lame ass jokes.

can't wait for this camp to happen!

camp back at 5pm, bathed and took the magic pill.

i slept till 830 this morning. uninterrupted! not even to pee!!damn.

and for today, i can no longer say - im so tired. can i go back to sleep...

soo many pics but no time to upload. update soon

MAN I CANT WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS TO COME!!!!

busy as a bee

2008-11-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

and yes i was.

damn the last two days i've been trying hard to settle the discharge for a particular patient. seems like everytime something is settled, another matter comes up for her.

i just want it settled right here, right now. but its not possible. sigh. i've never been good at waiting. it irritates the crap out of me.

what they said was true. after six months, you start to learn how to handle everything faster and more completely. today was the first time ever that i did in charge on a weekday ALL ALONE in one side. man it was a great learning experience. and thank goodness i had good people helping me out or i might go home at 7pm. 3 op cases, 1 cancellation, two discharges and three dressings plus one discharge that is in the midst of being arranged. good enough to drive me nuts.

i relished every moment of it. even though i made so much noise at the counter and irritated the hell out of some doctors and even got a little scolding here and there, i really really like my job. i would like it even better if i could complete it and pass it over well to the afternoon staff but im still learning, i guess.

im grateful i guess, i never felt alone and thrown to work all by myself. thank GOD for that.

anyways, work aside, i visited my couzzie who was warded for an op. she's doing well and was able to chat and catch up for a while. its sad isn't it, that we who are blood related meet up even less than me and my work colleagues or my poly friends do.

camp is less than a month away. please make everything go smoothly. that's all i ask for.

i kept working hard and doing everything right. going to church everyday, saying my prayers and doing good deeds. but what did i get in the end? NOTHING!

maybe you got God mistaken with santa claus.

others.

2008-11-02T16:46:00.000+08:00

one month of stuff.

man this nursing business is getting busy.

and i seriously can't find anything to say here.

damn. im tired.

heard this yesterday at the D and D

if i had one ticket to heaven and you had none,
i'll tear up my ticket and go to hell with you. sweet.

im back from the dead!!

2008-10-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

yes to the curious readers of my blog

im actually still very alive. its just that many things have happened recently and im rather swamped with...... loads of things.

im a busy person ok?

anyways, went out

1) to celebrate my sister's 14th (oh goodness so small) birthday
2) jas' 20th birthday (haha hitting the twos already)
3) pet and robin's akan dantang baby (now in the fifth month) by eating pasta fresca.

ho ho so many photos to load and i cannot find the cable for both my phone and my camera. real funny ehs.

anyways, im going off to malacca for the annual deceased grandma/pa/uncle/aunts etc visit. actually, thats the only time where my whole family ( on my dad's side ) would gather together, talk about how lovely we're getting on, whats the latest gossip these days, have you got a bf/getting married/getting pregnant/dying soon etc. and there i go again eating and increasing the weighing scale. bloody hell.

and THEN.... im going off to HONGKONG!!!! during christmas week with pet and robin. its uber exciting coz i've never celebrated christmas overseas before. and i think i might get the chance to buy a freaking fur coat to wear ( i don't know whats the weather like but who gives a damn.) i don't get if im gonna sweat underneath it or freeze to death (it can't be that cold right?) im still gonna wear one of those coats i see people wearing in the movie shows like bridget jones and love actually. i never ever get the chance to wear that i SG. people think you belong to IMH.

talking about hospitals ... i just finished my third round of night and something real shitty happened on the second night. one of my patients had a NEAR FALL. and when that incident happened, i just went blank. for the rest of the morning when we had to type the incident report and everything.. i just went BLANK.

frankly speaking, from the moment the incident happened to the moment i woke up on my bed, i can't remember exactly what transpired between me and my colleagues. its only when i went back to work for the last night was i able to articulate like a human being what the shit actually happened. and luckily, everything was resolved and we had a ok (but not quite happy) ending to this issue.

sighs. this is probably the worst thing that could happen to a nurse. and it has happened to me. just when my probation is ending. damn.

man SUNDAY OFF!!! WOOO!!! can't wait to chill out.

and i'm like yeah.

2008-09-16T14:42:00.000+08:00

goodness i've slept the whole of monday away!!!

where did it go?

i remembered vaguely that i was in bed by ten am, reading the new book i bought... received a phone call from an uncle, a cousin and pet....

next thing i knew, i woke up at 930 PM.

i've NEVER slept this late after a night shift. man im super energetic after that and managed to watch movies till 4am.

and today i woke up at one.

that's a whole load of sleeping i've done.

body's itchy for some sweating. body's itching for something. the restlessness can't be explained. it's like i feel that there's something more in stored and i just can't seem to figure out what it is.

you're my only guilty pleasure.

2008-09-11T23:33:00.000+08:00

coz it's ladies night, and the feelin's right

hoho. went clubbing for the first time with my frappies. fun fun fun!!!

we headed down to MOS first and left less than 1/2 an hour later. firstly, it was playing all the retro songs (MICKEY anyone?) and there's this super weird woman dancing NON STOP a la some very old 80's mtv moves. anyways, there were more AH PEKS there than we can handle so we headed off to somewhere else where the music is more to our style.

after much consultation with our frequent clubber friends, we went down to the arena. after the ladies before us got shooed off (apparently, they were over the age of 35 and had to pay the cover charge. man i can only club for 14 more years. hurhur.)
we went in and danced our heart out.

great band. gals with super thin thighs and guys with nice dreadlocks.

can you the see the youthful glow in us virgin clubbers ?

the best photo of the night (FIONA!!! don't get angry!!! lols.)

after a couple hours of non stop dancing (and putting my hands in the air - what's up with the dj man...) we headed down to supper to replenish our fuel. i guess we just don't have the stamina for all night clubbing. already my knees are aching and my toe is swollen.

so amid the scents of teh tarik, roti prata and the occasional smell of vomit, we ate a very hearty supper at 3 in the morning.

fantastic cab driver i had after that. he really was practicing for the F1 racing. i got home in 15 minutes from clarke quay.

anyways, it was a good first time experience that i had. great people, free booze ( though im not a big fan) and tons of good looking guys despite some weird people dancing boyband moves. definitely gonna go some more. it was worth waking up at 130pm today and sleeping somemore coz i didn't have enough eyeshut.

NIGHT SHIFT TOMORROW!!!!

and yes, this is my only guilty pleasure.and you too.

assumption party, brother's 18th party, st james party

2008-08-20T21:43:00.000+08:00

loads has been going on in my very mundane life. after finishing my first round of night (of which i got cut on my middle finger, got my toes run over by the trolley about five times and generally got real shacked, i slept a few hours of beauty sleep and went for the assumption mass and dinner.

chan + me. check out that same dumb look on my brother's face later.

one angela. one pris and 1/2 an abigail.

pris. abi. simon.

of all the five thousand dishes served, these are my favourite ones. i have a hidden fantasy of finishing the whole bowl of shark fin soup by myself.

GABRIEL'S 18TH

in the stupid hot humid line in the singapore flyer.
hur hur my dad loves posing for the camera. now i know where my cam whoring genes came from.

im seriously worried for the behavior of my family members.

ST JAMES POST JCI THANK YOU PARTY!!

dont laugh people. its my first time being in a real club. and its real addictive. and i think im gonna start clubbing at the grand old age of 21. (better late then never ehs.)

clubbing is a real fun fun fun experience.
so fun till i got flu and pharyngitis.
and the freaking antibiotics is giving me real watery stools.
ah hell. the price to pay for a night of wild abandon.

21st bday in a nut shell

2008-08-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

i can't load more coz the stupid internet is quite f-up.

that was one of the best days of my life (apparently i told people about my party during CNY, which was at least 5 months before.. hurhur. shameless self advertisment)

it was a great feeling to have all whom i hold close and dear to my heart there.

many thanks to pet and robin - no them i probably would have a blah party with a blah house. decorating SUCK!!! i didn't know it was so hard. but they really did a lot of stuff for me. thanks many many - and for the wonderful cake (that eventually ended up in my face.)

sorry i couldn't entertain everyone on that day. i had 70 guests sooo if you were feeling neglected that day, SORRY!!!! (i dont know how people entertain 700 people, let alone remember their names.)

thanks!!! :)

its in the little things that you all do that make me feel special. i love you all!!!

zoned out.

2008-07-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

down with an MC for the first time since i started work.

supremely irritated at myself. two days gone just like that.

and im experiencing a new high. on drwosyyyyy drugs........ yeh.

can hardly keep my eyes open now.

anyways was thinking of compiling all my old baby and teenager photos but i got very freaked out when i saw the mountain of baby photos i got. over a thousand i guess. i'll think about it later. when the drugs stop talking for me.

what's with friendster and the "i've got a new profile" but all i got was a link to a porno site. does friendster understand what's going on??

anyways was working real hard on saturday and was looking forward to sleeping on the couch at my aunt's house while my parents played mahjong. and surprise surprise.... i got my first call to the holy table for four.

man i've been begging them to let me join in this exclusive club for ages. and finally when im about to give up and start on dreamland, i got the call up (feels like NS eh.)

but anyways, i didn't lose very badly. only 39 bucks. hurhur. this coming CNY is definitely gonna be different. im called to the adult's arena!!!

sunday was day OFF!!! went for half a mass and FINALLY saw tricia. finally she finished her studies and would be back for good. haven't got the chance to catch up but will do so soon.

denise down with a wasp sting and warded to CGH. why ar?? she is definately a major contributor to the profits of the hospital. anyways babes gonna visit you when im well again. get well in time for next sunday yeh? :)

curia yesterday. i was mildly annoyed with the turnout. nuff said.

didn't have great appetite when we went to sakae. a sure sigh that you're gonna fall sick is went you only spend five dollars in sakae sushi, im sure.

so went down to watch HELL BOY: the golden army with chan pet and robin. surprisingly good. i always thought these kinda shows are all fight and nothing else. but its different. angsy tough on the outside and mushy on the inside guys, i like.

nerdy nerdy guy in Pushing Daisies. man i love the story plot. was watching it yesterday and and i loved this line-

"he didn't want to face the problem of facing a woman that he kissed but do not love and a woman whom he love but couldn't kiss."

anyways, Ned (Lee Pace) has the ability to resurrect a person with a touch but the next time he touches them again, he would kill them. forever. and since he has already resurrected the girl he loves once, he can never touch her again. how tragic. just the kind of story i love.
geeky guys that look like him and love a woman like him, i like.

okkkk. drugs are working real good. time to hit the sack. nights love.

19 minutes.

2008-07-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

ask a random kid today if she wants to be popular and she'll tell you no, even if the truth is that if she was in a desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, she'll probably choose the latter. see, you can't admit to wanting it, because that makes you less cool. to be truly popular, its what you MAKE yourself.

i wonder if anyone works any harder at anything than kids do at being popular. i mean, even air traffic controllers and the president of the United States take vacations. but look at your average high school student and you'll see someone who's putting in time twenty four hours a day, for the entire length of the school year.

so how do you crack that inner sanctum? well, here's the catch: it's not up to you. what's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat for lunch, what shows you watch yon TIVO, what music is on your ipod.

i've always sort of wondered though: if everyone's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own??

jodi picoult - PLEASE BUY HER BOOKS FOR ME!!! im nuts about it!!!

things to do before you hit the big 21

2008-07-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

when in US, people get their driving license and a big fat car on their 16th birthday (plus yo-yo rappers and helicopter rides to their FLYIN' party) people in Singapore are a little SLOW when it comes to celebrating your freedom.

how do you actually celebrate your freedom (a la the lock and key thingie) when you still stay in the same HDB flat as your parents? when their room is just ten steps away and my father is still threatening to lock the door if i reach home after 12?? or my mother telling me to wash my uniform separately?

the ultimate release, or freedom, would be when i move out. or get married. which ever comes first. but anyways, i still like staying with my parents. (my dad can still send me around, hurhur. that's what happens when you don't get your driving license.)

so when its 19 days to my big 21, i don't really feel that much excitement coz...... life still goes on the same way. i won't magically have skinny thighs or bigger boobs on 21st of july. i still have patients that piss the shit out of me. i still have to tie my hair when i go to work. heck, i STILL have to work.

so, age is just a number.

excited? definitely.

labels or love.

2008-06-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

we could fly
you and i
on a cloud
kissing
kissing

man im nuts about the sex and the city soundtrack. nuts nuts nuts!!!

its amazing
its amazing
all that you can do
its amazing
makes my heart sing
now its up to you

its all good. old songs and new mixes.

i've been learning to live without you now
but i miss you sometimes
the more i know the less i understand
of the things i thought i knew
im learning them again
im trying to get to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think its about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if
even if
you don't love me anymore.

anyways.

went to watch YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN just now after meeting. its super slap stick funny. but if you don't understand the underlying meaning of the show, i guess you just wasted 8 bucks laughing your bladder off.

countdown to my birthday - 28days to go!!!!! and i've got nothing settled yet. ahhhh busy busy.

where life takes me
im not really sure
but i don't want to waste a minute of my time
doing things i will end up regretting
i only live once
though once is more than enough.

SEX in the freakin city

2008-06-13T18:23:00.000+08:00

went for dinner at pet's place ( i feel like im visiting my second house.) had a great meal though its the normal fare that i would usually eat. home cooked food is definitely different. and the apple pie - yum yum!!

so we watched sex and the city. its a nice chick flick and i was actually watching the clothes a wee bit more than i was watching the show but hey, its a good show. but to a certain extent, because i missed the series and do not understand the complexity of carrie's relationship with Mr Big (why is he called Mr Big?? is it because ITS big? or his ego is big? what??) but somehow i find their relationship kinda superficial. if you love me you must love my bags/shoes/clothes/credit card debts etc. i believe that the love for her branded goods is on par with her love for Mr Big.

but anyways, this show definitely brought out the many different aspects of relationships. of cheating and infertility and the fear of commitment. gone are the good old days where courtship and dating and marriage was simple and innocent. heck, i think our parents didn't even hold hand till after two years of dating or something.

i guess as someone standing at the sidelines watching people fall in love instead of doing the deed myself, i cannot grasp the concept of love itself. something i yearn for but yet i'm afraid of. i won't know if he's Mr Right( or in SATC case, Mr Big.) when the time comes i seriously hope i know it coz i don't wanna be smack with a bouquet of flowers (or in the girl's case, his shoes or belt.) or drive in the wrong direction on a one way street.

anyhow....

both my siblings are going for a camp (again? yes, again.) i guess my church's electricity bill should be forked out by my sibling. three camps in two weeks. but i have the WHOLE BEDROOM to myself. the tv to myself. even the toilet to myself (jie are you done? i want to brush my teeth/wash my leg/pee etc.) i can bathe for two hours and noone will give a shit. sometimes we need a little break from our siblings. it's good for health. all those squabbles can be detrimental to my health.

party soon!!! time to get things prepared.

be thine.
be mine.
be ours.

queer stomach for a weird nurse

2008-06-10T19:22:00.000+08:00

these days my stomach is acting up. loose stools, greenish stools, bloated stomach, SOB. you name it i got it. pisses the crap out of me (literally) when i need to do work fast but my rectum is telling me to run to the toilet fast too. now im reduced to eating soupy stuff till my GIT is in order once more.

didn't make it for my IV test. actually i had myself to blame. not only did i study for a whole of 30 minutes the night before at 1130, i actually finished my paper in ten minutes and slept the rest of the test away. and i actually had one month to study the damn paper, something which i should have passed easily. WHERE'S my DAMNED MOTIVATION?????

good news is, i actually finally set a Cannula (for those who don't know, a cannula is something we poke into your veins to give you antibiotics, etc... to give us access to your veins coz its faster.) on the first try. plenty of moral support from my colleagues helped me quite a bit. haha. cheerleaders aplenty. i actually told the uncle i might have to poke him a couple of times to get it. he got a little scared but whew. four humans down. one more to go before i pass.

catching SATC on thursday with pet and robin. i understand that its a pretty hyped show and i haven't actually caught a single episode of it but i guess im watching it coz i wanna see the pretty clothes and make up they have. and see what this whole hype is all about when people actually go watch it twice.

i haven't been watching the Euro 2008 ( dad says its too expensive and sleepless nights are just not my thing) but the odds are Germany's gonna win. great attacking football, great players who actually play like a team (unlike England, which totally disappointed me.) must be something in the gas that's giving them the winning formula. Italy doesn't look very good now that their captain's out. and though i support fernando torres till the tip of my toes i don't think Spain can find their winning combo yet. (70 plus minutes just for ONE GOAL playing against USA. very sad.)

liverpool FC is looking for journalist and producers and stuff. WHY NO NEED FOR NURSES???? i'd fly there in a heartbeat if they need me. that is if they pay for my airfare. and accomodation. and pay me a salary. i don't mind staying at one of the footballer's homes since their houses got about one room available for every member of their extended family's extended family. hurhur.

yummilicious playa standing tall
great new hair and flair
nice fitted jeans and great smile
oh, how you make my heart beat.

love in this club

2008-06-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

i wanna make love in this club
in this club
in this club

song actually makes no sense whatsoever. but anyone who tries to do this in Singapore would most probably get slapped with a fine for indecent behavior in public.

been away from the com for quite a while so excuse me.

i want her hairstyle from the TAKE A BOW vid but alas, the closest i came to it is rebonding my hair.

yes, the queen of unkempt hair is reborn. im officially labelled a Singapore Girl coz i go thru the process every Singapore girl would go through at least once in her lifetime - get her hair rebonded. hur hur.

though i actually did it at the very old age of twenty ( the trend started when i was 15 and very blur about hair.) im pretty happy about it. no need to wake up earlier to blow my hair so that i resemble a human being instead of the REAL BEDHEAD. but im pretty sure i'll still be BETTY to my colleagues.

more things would follow, surely. im already contemplating highlights and keeping it real long so that i can do the big curls that i always wanted.

anyways, went for the SERVICE HEART (service with a heart, that is) course yesterday. throughly entertaining. i had a bullet train speaker for the first two presentations (and i don't quite understand her accent but plus points for trying) and a speaker who didn't introduce herself but is rather bitchy ( "you all like to talk so much later got chance so you better keep quiet now.") ah but the last speaker was good. the after lunch sleepiness that i usually get when i sit down to do nothing hit all of us pretty hard but she managed to keep us awake. but i guess a day away from the ward relaxes all of us quite a bit.

met up with denise and her girlfriend for dinner(tcc) and drinks (jaglener muchen, i think). the both of them are pretty knowledgeable about beer and wines and stuff so i learnt quite a bit. still love my bailey's irish cream though. coffee based liquor, i like. this place actually has its own brewery. cool. am looking forward to our next outing. maybe, just maybe, i can start learning how to appreciate alcoholic drinks.

everyone's getting attached! wouldn't it be nice if i were too.

if you don't say it
even though you feel it
how would i know?
so say i love you to the ones who matter.

tarty lemon tarts

2008-06-02T10:54:00.000+08:00

hmmmm crazy weekend off. for the first time in a month i got two days off from work. i guess consecutive working days actually make me a prickly uptight person of sorts. bitchy, impatient and the need to get things done has drained me of the ability to enjoy life with friends.

i guess im just a different person when i work. i maybe happy go lucky at work but the need to get things done is always there at the back of my head. and when i finish work all i wanna do is just to curl up in bed and sleep. (there is no such thing as too much sleep, no?)

so anyways yesterday was the recruitment activity. i got the official role of guarding the food, hurhur. and though we were worried that there might not be enough food,we end up giving loads of food to loads of people. on the whole, i thought they had fun. and the video did stir up some feelings in me that i thought were long dead.

and so we sat in the hall after everyone has gone and just talked crap and enjoyed each other's company. headed down to 138 ( im not the san ba please.) for a chilled out dinner.

a whole day's company with good friends.(though there are some irritating ones) i guess one can't ask for more.

49 days to the big 21. countdown begins.

Graduation and swollen eyes

2008-05-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

(credits to pam's blog. my phone is konked out.)

just in case you cant recognise me, im the one with the straight hair.
man. no more ICAs and assignments and eating north canteen food. as i sat in the hall i thought to myself its not too long ago that i was sitting at the same place for the freshmen orientation. dang i miss those days of fun.

now that im starting on a new chapter of my life (my dreary working life. my lack-of-social-life life..) i look back fondly at the memories of my poly days and thought to myself ....

if i could do it all over again i wouldn't change a thing.

ANYWAYS.... woke up this morning with swollen eyes (why oh why on my only off day.) which made me look like i did a double eye lid surgery on ONE lid.

anyways went to shop around coz its the great singapore sale (also known as the great shit sale, the grossly ugly clothes sale.. coz i couldn't find anything nice despite having my first real pay.) but ah, at least bought some striking underwear.

mud-ther is back from the middle east. lols she got me some really good dead sea hand cream. how thoughtful. she knows i wash my hands 1000 times a day.

watching Hell's Kitchen season two now. damn i like that gordon ramsey and his curses (you doughnut! come over here you F-ing doughnut) haha. i guess its good to see the professionalism that some people have for their jobs. though pet told me the chef doesn't actually close service if the chefs suck, its hard to believe anyone has to wait 2 whole hours for their food. i know if it was me i'd probably walk out of the restaurant after one hour. (such is the spoiled, pampered attitude of singaporeans eh.) but hey, its a good show worth watching. the winner actually gets a million dollars restaurant to head. no wonder they stay on despite the verbal and physical crap they get.
work starts tomorrow. dang i hate wasting my sundays.

oh yeh........ DAVID COOK IS THE NEW AMERICAN IDOL!!! YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

graduation

2008-05-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

i heard many wise sayings in this graduation

" by nursing without compassion and love, you are stripping away the essence of nursing."

"you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving."

i sat there in the auditorium and i thought to myself... how three years have passed. seemed like only yesterday i was sitting there with bad make up and the ugly nike t shirt that said woman driver ( i thought it was woman power so i bought it.) and doing silly games.

in a flash three years have passed and i can safely say that i came out an adult. full fledged. i never regretted my life in the three years there. i laughed and cried, played and skipped lectures, ate good and cheap food and used the gym as much as i could. most importantly, i made very good, very loyal friends who understand and accepted me (so are my legion pals too). they taught me many things (like kicking rubbish bins and how not to get caught wearing slippers in school.) haha.

it was emotional saying my nursing vow. it represented everything i hoped and wished that i could be. i know its hard but my vow made me want to try and be a better nurse.

most prob straightening my hair when i get my pay. its neat, fuss free and theres no need to blow it dry to get the style you want. man i want straight hair real bad.

no pics tho. com suck.

DAVID COOK IS THE NEW AMERICAN IDOL!!!! WOOOOO!!!! i want his album!!! ( i know its not out yet.:P)

Mercy - Duffy

2008-05-18T16:31:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah yeah x4

i love you
but i gotta stay true
my morals got me on my knees
i'm begging please stop playing games

i don't know what this is
but you got me good
just like you knew you would

i don't know what you do
but you do it well
i'm under your spell

[chorus]
you got me begging you for mercy
why won't you release me[both lines x2]
i said release me

now you think that i
will be something on the side
but you got to understand
that i need a man
who can take my hand yes i do

i don't know what this is
but you got me good
just like you knew you would
i don't know what you do
but you do it well

i'm under your spell
you got me begging you for mercy
why won't you release me[both x2]
i said you'd better release yeah yeah yeah

i'm begging you for mercy
yes why won't you release me
i'm begging you for mercy
you got me begging[x3]

mercy, why won't you release me
i'm begging you for mercy
why won't you release me
you got me begging you for mercy
i'm begging you for mercy[x4]
why won't you release me yeah yeah
break it down

hot hot hot in herre.

2008-05-18T15:22:00.000+08:00

its a pissy hot sunday today ain't it.

watched your back as you walk away
with that kid in your arms
the stupid hat and the thunder thighs
that bitter taste in my mouth lingers

i heart sundays coz i don't have to wake up when the sun hasn't risen, when doctors don't look at my uniform and get so excited (coz they have someone to clear their trolley after they use it, not because they want my number) and i don't walk up that hill-like hill at outram park to get to my ward, all the time sweating in my pantsuit coz i don't like wearing a dress to work (unless i run out of uniforms to wear.)

that's why i heart sundays. coz after the next two sundays (which i will not be working yet) i might not have another sunday off till... after i retire. sundays off are sooo precious to nurses.

i feel so much emotions when i nurse my patients. anger, amusement, joy, sadness, humour and so on. tired i may be but i love coming to work. and as much as i don't ever want to leave my ward i still have to go in six months time. but until october comes, i cherish everyday i get to work here. betty is what they call me ( coz of my retro haircut.) but the family feeling i get is something i cannot find anywhere else.

so till the day HOT betty leaves for not so green pastures, please continue to pray for me so that i do not kill anyone.

saw the vid pet did for the recruitment activity. real nice! anyone who seriously wants to be interviewed please tell us!! and bring a friend!! im having a hard time finding friends in my church coz i don't have that many there. goodness. time to widen my social circle.

dinner at Holy Trinity later. 110 tables. my church can't even hit 30. ahhh population difference.

its me again at blogger

2008-05-14T17:59:00.000+08:00

yes i admit. im quite a computer idiot. i can't do wordpress for nuts.

There is no comprehension
There is real isolation
There is so much destruction
What I want is a celebration

so anyways, i guess new career, new blog.

past two weeks has been the best honeymoon period of my life, considering that im not married. i sit in the lab all day (although admittedly, i don't have a passion for hard chairs but..) listen to lectures and sleep at leisure. i even get to eat three times!! how cool is that?

alas, all good things come to an end. and im really serious working in plastic.

but not for long though. i have been (ahem) randomly selected (i guess the person hates my name) to work in this special ward which is currently under renovation. so i guess i won't be staying in plastic for too long

there is no longer such a thing called sundays. its either you're on or you're off.

no more 9pm shows for me. i should start subscribing to mobtv or something.

everyday i wake up with butterflies in my stomach coz i don't know what's gonna happen, or who am i gonna take shit from. i guess that's the fun in it.